Esme Would Understand
by Katie1995
Summary: Three-shot! :Set during New Moon: Bella's ready to jump from the cliff and be "human," but does she realise that she's more like Esme than she thinks? And above all, does Bella believe Esme will understand? Please R&R!
1. Esme Would Understand

**(A/N – I do not own the characters in or**_**Twilight**___**in any way, all rights are reserved to Stephanie Meyers.)**

**Esme Would Understand**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

The water below rolled and churned in swirls of pattern. The clouds began to cascade heavily over the horizon, and rain began to drizzle upon my debating form.

Why did I come here?

To finish the cliff dive Jacob had promised me, or to hear Edward's voice? Or maybe, I was so far gone, that I stood her now because I couldn't take the pain anymore. In my subconscious, maybe I was telling myself that doing this would bring me some peace. Maybe, without realising, I was here to end the pain Edward's sudden leaving had caused me.

In a way, I was much like, Esme.

The wind picked up and the sun still shone, albeit difficultly now. The grey clouds began to merge over the orb of light and suddenly the bright greens became a cloak of darkness. No matter what though, the adrenaline was running far too quickly through my unfeeling body. It made me feel...elated, much unlike Esme did when she was in my position.

However, we were both put in this situation by people we loved who had left us. Her baby had died and my...love...had left me.

Breathing quickly, I stepped forwards, letting my toes curl over the edge. I watched captivated as some of the stone crumbled away under my toes. The wind dishevelled my hair which wasn't very tidy to begin with. My heart was pounding in my chest and it felt as if though my rib cage was going to break any second.

This is how Esme must have felt.

Tortured, pained, alone. Yes, I knew Esme would understand if this went wrong. Not once would she question why I did it. She would grieve, yes, but she would understand, unlike the rest of her family.

But was I here to die?

My mind fought between yes and no.

I couldn't be here to die, because after all, Jacob had promised me this. It was safe; I'd watched him do this.

_But, Esme, _logical Bella fought back, _jumped off a cliff. Exactly like this one, Bella. She wasn't doing it for recreational purposes, was she?_

"I'm not, Esme," I whispered, fiercely back.

But logical Bella mocked me; _you've both lost precious things. Look where those losses led both of you. Do you even realise the grief that ran through Esme's mind when she took her own life, Bella? She wasn't in her right mind!_

"I'm in my right mind." And I wasn't sure who I was talking to or trying reassure, because after all, there was only me to blame if this went wrong.

_One wrong move, Bella, and you could lose your life, _logical Bella reminded as matter-of-factly.

"I know," I hissed back.

Closing my eyes, I breathed in and then back out.

I wasn't Esme.

Rolling onto the balls of my feet, Edward's velvet voice whispered through the wind. "You don't want to do this, Bella."

"You wanted me to have my human experiences," I shot back, a sadistic smile on my chapped lips. "Watch me."

And as I fell down into nothingness, I knew Esme would understand if this ended badly.

**A/N – Boredom and Christmas holidays offers a perfect time to create one-shots like these... ;)**

**I was trying to get Bella's mind to be conceived as muddled and confused to what her actual purpose was. I don't know if that came across with you, but I'm happy with it, nonetheless.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks, Katie1995 :)**


	2. Finally Home

**(A/N – I do not own the characters in or **_**Twilight **_**in any way, all rights are reserved to Stephanie Meyers.)**

**Finally Home**

**Esme's P.O.V.**

Carlisle's fingers linked perfectly with mine as I sat stiffly perched on a small wall near the luggage collection point. Rosalie and Emmett stood awkwardly behind us and Jaspers paced impatiently in front of us.

"Jasper, darling," I whispered, quietly, "Come here."

His nervous eyes found my amber orbs and he walked over to where I sat, sitting down next to me, clicking his knuckles.

"Alice will be fine," I promised, taking his hand in my free hand. At first he pulled away, and I knew it was because he wasn't use to such actions, but after a minute, he clenched my hand tighter, s crooked smile appearing on his tight lips.

It wasn't as if I was much calmer than Jasper. If my heart was still beating I would doubt whether it would still be in my chest. Queasiness took over and I closed my eyes for a few moments, Carlisle's fingers closing tighter in between my own.

"You okay?" He whispered into my ear.

"I'm fine," I lied.

And I knew Carlisle wouldn't fall for my lie; he knew me too well.

Worried thoughts trailed through my mind and it was as if I couldn't breathe. Bella was a daughter to me, and if she had died, god only knew the grief I would be able to take.

Not only had she one to Volterra and risked her life for Edward, she'd also nearly killed herself multiple times before. Incidences like the... cliff diving for example.

A shiver ran down my spine before I could stop it and Carlisle didn't miss it.

"Esme," he whispered, concern lacing his words, "Are you really okay?"

I breathed out and placed a smile on my lips, answering, "I'm fine."

But I wasn't really. Bella was coming home, and so was Edward, but they had endured so much, that it made me wonder if it was the same Bella we had left behind.

Jasper kept glancing at me from the corner of his eye, his eyebrows furrowed in a concerned frown and I turned my gaze away from him, staring at the floor in front of me. And no matter how hard I tried to forget Bella's cliff diving incident, I just couldn't let it go.

She had been exactly like me.

_The house was extremely quiet. No-one was even breathing, it seemed. But I found all my children in the living room, all sat together on the sofas and armchairs in front of the fire. Yet although they were sat with each other, no-one dared to talk._

"_Alice, Emmett?" My voice seemed horribly loud in the silence, my footsteps even louder as I walked hurriedly towards my youngest daughter and second oldest son._

_No-one looked up, no-one answered and the tension grew worse._

"_Something's wrong, isn't it?"_

_Rosalie sucked in a sharp breath and Alice's eyes flickered to mine before looking at the floor again. Emmett's stance stiffened and Jasper sighed._

"_Is Edward-_

"_It's not, Edward, Esme," Jasper cut off softly._

"_Bella?"_

_Alice picked her head up and Jasper shook his head in a non-verbal reply. It was then I knew I was right._

"_What's happened to, Bella? You have to tell me, please."_

_Emmett sighed, shifting his weight before awkwardly starting, "Esme, it's better if you don't know."_

_I stared sternly at all of them in turn, folding my arms over my chest before asking again._

"_What has happened to, Bella?"_

_Gulping, Alice began shaking slightly, but answering me, nonetheless. "Mum, Bella, she...I... I saw her jump."_

_And although somewhere in the back of my mind, Alice's words clicked somewhat horribly, I ignored that connection, depending on the still debating side of my brain._

"_Jumped?" I asked; my voice higher than usual._

_Closing her eyes, Alice breathed out again, Jasper taking her hand as she replied. "I saw her jump from a cliff, Esme."_

_And I didn't need to here anymore. I nodded, but I could see the worry in their eyes as I ambled over to the bottom of the stair case. Placing a hand on the wall in front of me, I let it support me, the words "jump" and "cliff" still whirling around in my mind._

_The stairs before me folded out, the white carpet becoming overgrown grass breezing in the wind. The wall my hand rested on became a tree trunk and my family's became blurred into the background representing the soft thrashing of the waves upon the rocks. The cardigan around me morphed into the nightgown I had worn so many years ago, and the cars on the free way sounded like the wind rustling through the leaves._

_I stepped forwards, and the fear from so many years ago seeped through my vein, adrenaline following the quick pulses of fear. Jasper, like the gentleman he was, put a soft but firm hand on my shoulder._

"_I have to go," I whispered so quietly I doubted anyone had heard except from Jasper. He squeezed my shoulder, but let me go._

_Walking up the stairs, my grip increased so much that the banister below my hand started to splinter. It seemed to take a life time to get to mine and Carlisle's bedroom, but once I did, I locked the door and let myself slump backwards against the wall, sliding down to the floor so that my knees chin was rested on my knees._

_I didn't know how long the weight of the situation had kept me there, reciting my unsuccessful suicide attempt with Bella in my place. It wasn't until a soft voice called from outside the door that I woke back up to reality._

"_Esme?" Carlisle's voice sounded my name in worry and I got up not knowing I still had the strength in my legs to carry me._

_Unlocking the door, I walked back towards our windows, placing my hands on the dresser before me for support I could no longer find. Arms wrapped around my waist, and the familiar scent of my husband filled the air around me._

"_I heard about, Bella," he breathed, pain clear in his voice. "I came home as soon as I could."_

_Shivering in his arms, I tried to keep my voice even. "It shouldn't affect me like this."_

_Picking me off my feet, Carlisle sat me down on our bed so I was laying into his chest. His strong arms were wrapped around me._

"_And why not?" He asked, softly. "Why not?"_

"_Because I'm stronger than that," I replied, clutching his hand._

_Kissing the back of my head softly, he replied in his usual way. "Even the strongest need to cry sometimes. And Bella was more than Edward's mate to you, Esme; she was your daughter."_

"Esme, come back to me," Carlisle whispered into my ear, tucking a caramel coloured tendril behind it as he spoke.

Clearing my head, I squeezed Carlisle's hand to let him know I that I had heard him, my eyes, however, were still trained on the _departure _sign.

Come on, come on, _come on!_

The tension was getting to much to bear, and finally, when I thought I would burst, the first few groups of arrivals trickled through the tunnel behind the baggage area. Carlisle and I caught our breaths, and finally, the familiar scents of our son and daughters mingled in with the scent of the human blood surrounding us.

The first thing I caught was the sight of Bella and Edward's hands linked peacefully together through the chaos of the swarming arrivals. Alice's voice was quick to follow, "we're home," sounding happily through the crowd. A mop of black flashed through the crow, followed closely by a bronze colour. Finally, as if they hadn't been keeping us long enough, there they were, all three of them stood before us.

Before Carlisle had time to pull me back, I flung myself at all of them, taking Bella fiercely into my arms, are hug slightly awkward because of Edward's determination to keep contact with her. Next I took Edward into my arms, my strength crushing him.

"You will _never _put me through that again!" I growled into his ear, as his arms wrapped around me.

"Sorry, mum."

_So you should be, _I thought passionately, causing a slight smirk to turn up the corners of his lips.

Alice was next, now joined back with her soul mate, I still chucked my arms around her tender frame.

"You too," I said, strongly.

"I know, Mum."

Carlisle wrapped my arms back around me as I let go, and although all the worry and sheer fear had dissolved, I still had to speak with, Bella.

**A/N – First of all, a very Merry Christmas to everyone here and over the pond! I hope you all had a fabulous Holiday and have an even happier new year!**

**Another chapter was asked for, so here you go! Hope you enjoy! Please Review, thank, Katie1995 :)**

**P.S. A third chapter will be added. :)**


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